For years, certain corners of the internet have obsessed over the Roman Empire, daydreaming about being great warriors, emperors, or enlightened Stoics. But let’s be real—if Trump and Musk were transported back to ancient Rome, they wouldn’t be the noble statesmen they pretend to be. They’d be the corrupt, decadent elites who ran the empire into the ground.
Rome They Fantasize About vs. The Rome They’d Actually Fit Into
The modern "alpha male" crowd loves to pretend they are the heirs of Marcus Aurelius, the last great philosopher-king. But Trump? Musk? These men don’t belong with Rome’s builders. They belong with its traitors—the ones who claimed to revere Rome while hollowing it out for their own gain.
Trump as the Wannabe Emperor → Think Commodus or Caligula—vain, self-obsessed, deeply corrupt, and obsessed with spectacle over governance. Rome fell apart under emperors like him who drained the treasury, pitted people against each other, and ignored real problems in favor of personal glorification. Trump literally plastered his name on everything, encouraged factionalism, and openly fantasized about being a dictator.
Elon Musk as the Eccentric Oligarch → More like Crassus, the Roman plutocrat who built his fortune on the suffering of others. Crassus bought up burning buildings and enslaved people—Musk buys up public platforms and degrades them for profit. Both loved war (or pretending to be warriors), but when push came to shove, Crassus died humiliatingly in battle because he was all ego, no strategy—not unlike Elon fumbling Twitter, self-driving tech, and his Mars fantasies.
The Stoics Would Hate Them
Elon and Trump’s fans love to pretend they’re the heirs of Marcus Aurelius, but let’s be real:
Marcus Aurelius believed in duty, self-control, and serving the greater good. Trump and Elon? Hedonism, arrogance, and self-aggrandizement.
Stoicism teaches resilience, wisdom, and emotional control. Trump throws tantrums; Elon blocks critics and posts memes about "seizing the means of reproduction."
Cato the Younger (the Stoic who resisted tyranny) literally killed himself rather than let Julius Caesar seize total power. Meanwhile, Trump’s crowd begs for a dictatorship, and Musk worships authoritarian regimes.
Rome Fell Because of People Like Them
Rome didn’t collapse because of immigrants or "woke ideologies"—it collapsed because elites hollowed it out while pretending to worship it. Sound familiar?
The elites hoarded wealth & refused to pay taxes → Sound familiar? Billionaires today dodge taxes while public services crumble.
The government was corrupt & unstable → Trump literally tried to overthrow an election.
Infrastructure & public services fell apart → USPS? Railroads? Water systems? Dismantled for profit.
The military was stretched too thin & reliant on mercenaries → America’s military-industrial complex bleeds money into endless wars while veterans are abandoned.
The Betrayal
Trump and Musk aren’t noble Romans defending their empire—they’re traitors to the institutions they claim to revere. They don’t love democracy, the republic, or the people—they love power, spectacle, and profit. They are the ones hollowing out their own civilization while pretending to save it.
So the next time some fanboy claims Trump or Musk is the second coming of Marcus Aurelius, remind them:
The real Marcus Aurelius would have exiled them both.
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